One God, Many Prophets

This is the title of the first chapter of my book “The Heart of Islam” by Seyyed Hossein Nasr. The author of this book not only was born in Tehran but he is a well-educated man (M.I.T. and Harvard grad) and local. He’s the university professor of Islamic studies at GWU. My curiosity about Islam started when I was watching the news about Iran and the Middle East’s struggle with religion. There are various sects in the Middle East that don’t get along with each other. The media portrays Islam as a faith that professes lies and ties with terrorist groups. I really don’t like the media’s portrayal of the Middle East because it’s completely wrong. I’m not trying to start a political or religious debate with this topic. All I’m wondering is where Islam came from and what is it all about. Throughout reading this book, I’m going to be summarizing each chapter that I read and offer my thoughts/opinions on the topic.

The first chapter is all about laying down the basic beliefs of Islam. I already knew that Islam is linked with Judaism and Christianity but how so? Yes, all three religious are monotheistic and each have a sacred scripture that they base their beliefs on but there has to be more. I’m going to continue reading and see if the answer surfaces on its own. Otherwise, I’ll read another source to find the answer. What intrigued me upon reading the middle of the chapter was how Muslims judge each others’ true beliefs towards God (Allah). Not only must a Muslim love God and believe in him, but they must also believe in the Prophet, Muhammed. I also found out that once a Muslim mentions the Prophet’s name, they say “May peace and blessings be upon him.” Reminds me of the phrase “Peace be with you”, the phrase people said when they met Jesus. I guess I just found another similarity between the religions. There is a sub-chapter that discussed Islam’s attitude toward various religions. Muslims are very fond of other religions within the Middle East and don’t bother to convert each other or harass those who aren’t Islam. What a change from America, where every religion continues to seek conversion from the masses. Then again, since September 11th happened, Muslims are frowned upon here in America. That’s a shame considering that many Muslims are good human beings who practice their faith without distracting us. I do see why we argue the fact that most terrorists are Muslim. Here in America, we continuously stereotype many races such as all African-Americans steal or Hispanics are lazy and don’t want to work. But what many people don’t realize is that terrorists do not know right from wrong. They may think that the acts they commit are just and will give them a ticket to Allah, but killing doesn’t make things right. That’s self-explanatory. Nowhere in the Quran does God want to “take out the opposition literally.” I digress, I’ve fallen off-topic. The sub-chapter about unity speaks of the number one link between all Muslim religions: the Quran. Unity for a religion is stressed constantly through communities. But on the other hand, unlike Christians, Muslims do not allow non-Muslims in holy places. I can respect that because in my opinion, what business does a non-believer have there? I’m not trying to be shallow, but it doesn’t make much sense to me. The only way one would be there is if they were converting. I guess you could be curious and want to find out what they do. Oh well. I’ve already received a ton of information just from one chapters. I still have plenty of reading to do about the faith. I’m open to discuss my thoughts with anyone who would like to talk about it.

Dissatisfied

That’s the one word to sum up my behavior this morning. I’m completely dissatisfied with how I acted. Seriously, why did I do that? There was no need to shut someone down even though I thought what I said was a joke. Apparently, it’s not that funny. I’ve had this sense of humor for a long time and it worked when I was younger. Nowadays, it’s a touchy subject for some people, especially if they’ve been traumatized. I don’t ever mean harm towards anyone when I joke but sometimes, boundaries are set for a reason. Overstepping boundaries not only triggers these feelings of disgust but makes the person feel unloved. I never mean to harm or offend anyone yet I constantly do. Why can’t I change that about myself? For some reason, these old habits continue to follow me everywhere I go and with everyone I meet. Ugh. I must control myself better. I had a problem before with my panic attacks and learned to control my anxiety. Now I must learn to control myself in certain situations that can potentially set me off. At times, I’ve contemplated going to a therapist and discussing my issues. It’s not that I feel uncomfortable that I don’t want to do it. I would rather solve this problem on my own. People who read this will probably think that I’m stupid for trying to do this on my own. You’re entitled to your opinion but I prefer to do this on my own. I know for a fact that I can do this because I was able to conquer anxiety on my own. Many people take prescription drugs and suffer from depression. I was very fortunate to get through the pain with the support of my family and Jeanine, my ex-girlfriend. I’ll never forget being cured of those heinous panic attacks. I felt like a huge weight was lifted off my shoulders. My shackles cracked and now I’m able to enjoy life again. Honestly, I’m going to start praying often again. I need to go back to church and listen to the word of God. My faith and religion have helped me in the worst times and it’s about time I let it enter my life once more. Every conversation I have with my Mom is about how our faith has been keeping us together and strengthening ourselves each and every day. I love my family and I love my friends. I love Christine and I can’t keep hurting them with my bullshit. It’s time to put in some damn effort and step up to the plate. I’ve been on strike two and hitting foul balls like crazy. It’s time to hit my home run and end the game that’s been going on for too long. Why did I just make a reference to the sport I dislike the most? Well, if you know me, I always use analogies. Deal with it. Christine, if you’re reading this (and I know you will), I love you so much with all of my heart. The effort will come and swipe you off your feet. We’ll make it through this, I promise. I love you.

Bring on the New Year

This is my first post of the new year, 2010. Wow, so I’ve lived through some pretty important decades, that’s for sure. This post though won’t be a reflection like the last one. Instead, it’ll be about what’s been going on the past week.

New Years Eve was pretty awesome. I took Christine out to Sakura, a Japanese steakhouse near my apartment, and enjoyed a nice pig-out. We came back to my place and watched Jersey Shore. Seriously, as much as I hate that show, it’s addicting. The stereotypes, the guys trying to get the girls and failing, all perfect television. Like I’ve told Christine many times, TV wouldn’t be awesome if you have every person on it to be the “nice guy.” Drama attracts viewers and so do stupid people with horrible education apparently. I know I don’t normally watch TV but the new year has brought new shows that I’m bound to succumb to. Just great. I’m not going to name the other shows because it’s embarrassing. Moving along!

My work schedule in terms of teaching is back on track. The holidays and snow screwed up a lot of my money-making. Now that school is back for the youngin’s, it’s time to start the lessons up again. I also got a call from an old student of mine saying he’d like lessons again. He will make number five if I begin to teach him. Naartjie is giving me more hours as well, so the money will start coming in again. Speaking of money, I’ve been looking at what I’m spending my money on and it’s startling me. In the past year alone, I spent enough money to buy a brand new car. That is insane. This means that I must micromanage myself when it comes to my spending habits. Grocery shopping and staying in to cook/do activities will happen more often.

I bought two new books from Barnes and Noble today so that should keep me occupied when I’m bored at my apartment. Also, my BlackBerry has enough entertainment for myself but not for Christine. Maybe I should become a hermit and just watch movies. I started practicing guitar again and begun work on a new arrangement for the Pep Band. In fact, I’m gonna have Amy work on the chart with me! Yay for collaborations! We’ll see how all this works out. I’m excited to finally play Stayin’ Alive during the second rehearsal. Let’s hope it goes well. I’m out, y’all. Goodnight!

New Years Eve

Well, I told you all that I would be writing a post about my year in review. Currently, I’m exhausted from cleaning my room and bathroom for over an hour straight. I’m listening to the Princess and the Frog soundtrack so hopefully that’ll get my brain thinking. Here it goes. Just so you understand, each paragraph, the beginning, middle and end of the year are covered in 4 month spans.

The beginning of the year started off with me being in a relationship already for months. That relationship turned out to be a flop as I didn’t really want to be in it anymore. Dragging out a relationship you don’t necessarily want to be in ends up hurting both parties so I had to end it. Turns out it was for the better. Basketball games were in full swing and Mason was dominating every team they encountered, especially at the Patriot Center. The NFL playoffs kicked off and were exciting to watch with friends. Super Bowl 43 was extremely exciting to watch even though the Steelers won that one, barely. The Pep Band was good to me and so was my spring semester. I passed all my classes, met some new friends and continued to bond with Christine. The CAA tournaments were fun to watch and although Mason lost to Penn State in the NIT, it was a good season overall. Also, the beginning of the year introduced me to my first apartment and what it was like to live on my own. I loved that apartment because I was by myself. Plenty of friends came over and shared some good times over there. If you don’t know, I’m not there anymore.

The middle of the year was when college was over for me. The summer started and I didn’t have much to do. I was only teaching private lessons at the music store at the time and occasionally at peoples’ houses. Christine ended up going to Europe and that left me with not much else to do. Many people went home for the summer and we spent a lot of time together. I did manage to get a hold of Finale and started to learn how to arrange music. I also did a lot of playing and recording throughout the summer. Spending the summer doing things for myself was a big change considering I’ve always been in a relationship around that time. Because I was living at home, I also spent a lot of time with my family. That’s one thing I must do more this year: spend time with people I love. The end of the summer meant it was time to get an apartment for the school year. I did a random roommate search and found a place right behind Silver Diner. I’m currently still in this apartment and will be until the end of the summer. The end of the summer also brought me something special: a beautiful relationship with Christine. I couldn’t have asked for a better partner.

The end of the year was probably the busiest time of my life. This past fall semester was jam-packed with activities from schoolwork, teaching, gigs, basketball games, family time, my relationship, friends and working at my new job in the mall. I work at a kid’s clothing store called Naartjie, in Fair Oaks, in case anyone didn’t know. Being my most productive semester at Mason, my guitar playing improved and my knowledge of songs and theory grew. One thing I want to do more of this upcoming year is to continue being consistent on guitar and land gigs everywhere and anywhere I can. Both Christine and I’s birthdays were celebrated and we spent the two major holidays, Thanksgiving and Christmas, together. I’d say that’s a pretty good year complete with ups and downs. In the end, I’m still with the woman I love and I have my friends.

I know this may be really cheesy, but hey I’d like to have a few resolutions written down for reference. For those of you who end up reading this, thanks a lot. You are probably a good friend of mine (or Christine, ha) and have influenced me one way or another. Hope everyone has a Happy New Year and stays safe. Lookin’ forward to what 2010 has in store for me.

• Work on improving my relationship with Christine
• Be consistent with my practicing of guitar
• Land gigs and work on playing more with others
• Focus and do better on schoolwork (no procrastinating)
• Do my best as Treasurer for the Fraternity
• Make more time to socialize whenever possible
• Become more family-oriented
• Continue to be responsible and a man of high character

The Holidays

I haven’t posted anything since the last few days of the semester. My finals went well and overall, I passed all of of my classes! Psychology wasn’t the greatest achievement for me but I still managed to escape unscathed. Once finals week passed, winter break officially began.

It technically started the day before my last final, which was Christine’s birthday. It was a two-day celebration that consisted of good dinners, family time and fun. I had a little setback on the first day but bounced back and gave some love to the birthday girl. It was also Kat’s birthday, might I add. They are identical twins after all. I gave Christine her gift and took her out to dinner at whatever restaurant she wanted: TGI Friday’s. Not exactly fancy but still good nonetheless. The rest of the evening was spent relaxing and loving her. Not much more needs to be said!

The weekend came by and brought us a gigantic blizzard: the biggest snowstorm in the area since 1996. Talk about a turn of events, I honestly didn’t expect to receive that much snow. I think the total was around 18-20 inches. Epic. Unfortunately, I couldn’t go teach in Ashburn the entire weekend because my car was covered in the snow (and eventually ice). I stayed in all of Saturday and went out to shovel/rescue my car on Sunday morning. I posted some pictures of the adventure on Facebook. Overall, it took me roughly five hours to get my car out and help others shovel some snow as well. My back was torched afterwards. I could smell my lower back cookin’.

Christine’s brother Sean came to rescue me that Sunday so I could attend the holiday party at their house. I’m surprised that many people came to the party considering there was absolutely no way to park on their road. Because they live on a hill, driving upwards on ice is not the smartest thing in the world to do. We all enjoyed the party filled with food, laughs, stories, movies and fun. During the party, I started to reminisce about my family parties and how every single one we had we played White Elephant. No White Elephant fun this time but that’s ok. I always got stuck with the lamest gifts, except for the chocolate!

Since this past week was Christmas week, Naartjie was busy pretty much everyday up until Christmas. I got plenty of hours in and had fun selling some sweet clothes. I’m very lucky to have such wonderful co-workers at the store because they make the boring moments a blast. Thanks y’all!

Oh Christmas tree, oh Christmas tree, what did you bring for me? Apparently, a bunch of presents. Yeah, I didn’t expect to get half of what I received but thank you all. The clothes, food, electronics, gift cards are all wonderful treats. This year, I had two Christmases, one at home and one at Christine’s. Yup, I got more gifts there too. She has the most generous parents ever. I love her entire family (even those damn pups and the new one, Poofy). I’d say that this Christmas definitely ranks for me as one of the best because I got to spend time with everyone. Wendy and Hunter and the kids are all in Colorado, though. I do miss them a bunch. I didn’t get a chance to fly there a few weeks ago because of school finishing up but I will try to go next year.

So the holidays have come and gone, that quickly. This Thursday will be New Years Eve. Wait…what? The year is coming to an end already? Well, like I’ve been doing the past four years, I will definitely be writing a blog on Thursday about how 2009 has fared for myself. I hope I can remember enough to write a lengthy post about it. That’s about all I’ve got to write about. P.S. if you’re on Twitter, follow me! garytheman03

The Last Days of the Semester

Well, it’s that time already. Wait, what? Really?!?! Yes, the end of the semester. Because I’ve kept busy with so much, this semester definitely flew by for me. It all started off very well with a new woman in my life (love you babe) and a fresh start with music. This has been the most productive semester for me in terms of playing tunes. Combos had me playing through various eras of jazz and allowed me to put my improvisational skills to the test. I knew that I would be able to flourish at the two performances we had and I did. Playing with those guys improved my chops and my knowledge bank of songs. In terms of my private lessons, Rick had me going through a bunch of tunes. In fact, we actually worked through roughly ten songs, the most I’ve ever done in my five semesters at Mason. Even though the juries have us playing through two to three songs, having enough prepared always leaves a good impression to the jurers. Jazz Arranging with Mr. Maiello taught me a lot about hearing the band, the progressions and the various techniques each section utilizes. Completing Misty and hearing the GMU Jazz Ensemble playing it felt gratifying, regardless of the errors I need to go back and fix. Arranging is an art that requires you to keep going and constantly writing. When I graduate, I definitely want to consider arranging tunes for jazz ensembles. For now, I will focus on playing in the band instead, hehe. Music History 2 was just lame. I’m sorry, I tried to give it a chance but the material was quite boring. I managed to do well in the class overall despite not doing much. Oh well. Choir, enough said. This semester sucked for Choir and I’m very glad that’s over. No more singing in the dump. Psychology was a disaster. I went to the classes in the beginning, took good notes, studied them and took the exams. Each exam I took, I thought I did well but nope. I’m not failing the class but it’s still a horrible grade. Damnit. I have one more chance to redeem myself: the final exam on Tuesday. I plan on studying my ass off big time. So this was basically a big summary of my semester academic-wise. Personal issues, well there were things that went sour. Eventually, those issues managed to work themselves out and get back on track. Every relationship has their roadblocks but working through those say a lot about each of us. Actually, one thing I didn’t do this semester was workout consistently. Christine and I want to start doing that together. That needs to happen as soon as it can. The holidays are approaching but before I write about that, finals need to be done and over with. Four things need to be done before my semester is over: revising my MHS 2 paper, Jury, two finals and Moose’s Broadway Recital. Then the holidays can happen. That’s all for now. GMU lost to Dayton by a point. We’ve been doing terrible lately. No bueno. More on that later.

Why?

That’s the question that has ruled my life for ages. Why? Why do I act so stupidly? Why must I be selfish? Why must I make myself miserable? I really do wonder why I go through this. Part of it is my fault, I know. The other part comes from all of the shit that I have to take from other people. I can’t tell you how much shit I get everyday from people, it’s ridiculous. Some days I can tolerate it but others, I can’t take it anymore. I end up getting defensive and lash out. Sorry but that’s how I react. It’s too much for some people and I’m really sorry but I don’t know how to change that. I’m not the type of person to take it easy. My nature is fierce and not for everyone. So that leaves me wondering how can I force myself to stay calm and change all that when I get in those situations. I think about doing it when it’s about to happen but end up reverting back to something I’m comfortable with: hiding behind my wall. Damn, looks like it’s time to go back to the days of when I built my own wall and isolated myself from everyone. That was a rough period for me because I didn’t talk to anyone for weeks. It made me feel even more lonely and helped me appreciate the support I have from friends and family. Well, at this point it’s just family and Christine, sometimes. I find myself becoming more and more alone these days all because of my actions. Maybe I do need some time alone to figure out this mess that I’ve created. Sigh. Deja vu all over again, huh. Why….my goodness, why did I do this to myself? I don’t know where else to go or turn. I must figure this out.

Happy Thanksgiving

Holy crap, it’s Thanksgiving already? I actually remember last year’s dinner like it was yesterday. That means the end of the year is right around the corner. I decided to stay over my house last night in order to wake up refreshed and cozy. Today will be awesome because not only will I eat dinner with my family, I will also be eating with Christine’s family. Good thing my stomach is practically a black hole. I’m writing this blog because I would love to write about the things I’m very thankful for in life:

1. God – I know I’m not the most religious person in the world, but I have to thank God first and foremost. He is the reason why I’m here and the reason why I’m living my life. It’s important to give thanks to Him and everyone as well. I feel bad though because I haven’t gone to church lately but I still have time to pray.

2. Family – Throughout all of my pain and struggles, the people that have been with me through thick and thin are my family. Oh man…what would I do without my family. Support and love? They have it all. Heck, even my nieces and nephew are loving and caring. God, I miss them. My family’s going to Colorado to see them though and I can’t go. It sucks but I have to stay behind and do work. I love you guys so much.

3. Christine – Goodness, where would I be without you? Ever since we met last year, you’ve been such a good friend to me. I’m very thankful that it turned out to be a relationship with you. I’m glad to be able to love you so much and care about you. You have changed my life around for the better and helped me to open my eyes and see your beautiful soul. I love you with all of my heart and hopefully, I will get to love you for the rest of our lives.

4. Music professors/peers – Music is a gigantic part of my life and undoubtedly going to be my career. Ever since coming to GMU, my professors have been vital to my growth. My musicianship has blossomed beautifully thanks to everyone who assisted me. I’d like to send an extra thanks to Rick Whitehead, my beloved guitar teacher. Man, I’ve learned so much from you that it has influenced the way I teach my kids. The patterns we go through, the stories you tell me, the song selection that rocks, it’s all helped me to become a better player. Thank you for being my teacher.

5. Friends – Last but certainly not least, all of my friends. The new ones I’ve met and the ones I’ve had, you all have stuck by me and helped me out when I needed it. To my brothers of Rho Omicron, OAS AAS LLS! We did so much together and we have more good things to come. I’m thankful for all of you to be in my life and I love you all.

That’s all I got for this post. I’m going to watch the rest of the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade and enjoy time with my family. Happy Turkey Day to you all and God bless.

Missing You

When you left on a plane, without me

My heart sunk to a place I cannot see.

And when you left, my soul felt lost,

Nowhere to go, nobody to hold.

 

Days go by, my eyes only see,

Nothing but blue skies and green trees.

I miss your grasp, your eyes, your self,

Most importantly, the love that you have.

 

My insecurity has brought us down,

To a place of anguish all around.

I’m sorry for all the pain I’ve caused,

Because this is not me whatsoever.

 

You deserve the best from me always,

And that’s what you will get, 100 percent.

I love you so much, you are all I think and dream,

I’m missing you dearly, please come back in my arms.

Middle of Nowhere

So I decided that instead of blogging everyday, I would blog when I have time. Well, right now I have plenty of time to do so. This past week has been awfully stressful for me starting off with Puerto Rico. No, I didn’t go on the trip but I was helping Christine get prepared for it. I really started getting upset at the whole ordeal because not only would we be spending time apart, but I wouldn’t be there. Oh well. It’s a huge struggle to be apart from someone I love. This has happened to me in every relationship I’ve had and it always ended up in a big argument. I don’t want to compare this relationship with those because Christine and I have such a strong bond that we can work out anything. I don’t like the way I’m acting. This selfish side of me has got to cease immediately. Anyways.

I started to get a lot of work done this week. Practicing is going well for combos, personal music and the departmental on Monday. I need to sit down and finish writing my MHS 2 paper on Brahms’ Symphony #1. I also need to start attending Psychology. I skipped this entire week to do work for Phi Mu Alpha and watch the basketball game. Mason needs to start playing better basketball. Here’s a fact: when I’m there watching the game in person, we win. When I’m not there, we lose. This is a personal reminder: call up the places I discussed with my committee and find out about potential partnerships.

Right now, I am currently in Covington, VA with the Chorale and Chamber Orchestra at a hotel. We left this morning and had a performance at a lovely high school, John Hanley High in Winchester. Honestly, the performance went very well. It was also the first time the Chorale got to hear the Orchestra play Bartok’s Folk Songs. It sounded wickedly awesome. Then it was off to Covington and a bus ride that left my back feeling horrible. You really can’t fall asleep on a bus. Luckily, I found a group to stay with for this trip which totally makes me feel much better. Thank you ladies for helping me out during this time. Actually, we’re all watching movies right now while I type this. Mama’s Pizza was delicious for dinner. We all shared a giant pizza and enjoyed it. Tomorrow is the big day at the Homestead. All of our hard work will culminate with our last performance. Then Chorale is done for the semester. It’s also done in terms of being a part of my life. No more.